So let me go back to why this blog was started. I am an average female so I like to think. Last year I became an average single mother female and the who's and why's are not important. Just know that I made so many mistakes in my life that payback was a bitch. Payback right to the Az. Department of Corrections. Well, let's not dwell in the past. But isn't that what we are told over and over and over again. "To be great in the here and now...one must deal with their past?"
And here I am....I can't get to the fricken here and now, because my past keeps creeping up and biting me in the ass. AND IT HURTS!!! I recently made a funny on Facebook with this status
...Bitter but very hot, successful middle aged loser in marriage, wallowing in an unending sea of inert, drooping loneliness. Looking for 24-38 year old needy leech-like, mama's boy, hanger-on, can't keep a job or money in the bank. Want to abuse with dull stories, steaming sex and Herb Alpert albums. Apply here...
Can you guess how many applied?? Two, dos. One didn't count because he has had a job for over 5 years but wanted to know if I would take him based on the fact that I was being discriminating. Moi? Honey, when you get to be my age, we take ALL applications. Then I find out: 'oh wait, I did move back in with my mom last year so does that count?' Asshole! there that qualifies you. Anyway where was I....ok
I had a wonderful phone relationship with a married man who was in a state that is 3000 miles away. 12 years younger and moved my cougar status to number one! And when I say "phone" yeah...you guessed it..Tiger Woods phone type, Brent Favre phone type. Something we older women like to call: He's my best friend with benefits!" We hooked up twice and at the time I was having the time of my life...I was so scandalous...I was the "Dirty Mistress" and really enjoyed my role. And then someone accused me of becoming the "Happy Homewrecker" and I had to nip that in the but. Oh yeah....it was his wife...(snickering)...So here I am...trying not to stalk him...because if you have to stalk someone they were never yours to begin with...I repeat...here I am. 22 days till my fresh start. 22 days till I get all the stinky thinking out of the cobwebs and really make this New Year....well A New Year!!!
Ahhh. well, friends, I leave you with this thought:
"Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you never asked for and don't always like."
—
Lemony Snicket
No comments:
Post a Comment